A few days ago, I finally got to the theater to watch I Can Only Imagine, a film based on the life story of Bart Millard, lead singer of MercyMe--whose debut single that we've all heard a thousand times became the most successful Christian song of all time. 

Knowing what I know about the song and Bart's history, I was expecting a moving story of faith and redemption along with many nods to an industry I've dedicated my entire professional life to. I got that. References to artists, albums (or in this timeline, cassettes), label and management executives and locations were all over and I got a kick out of reliving the industry during a time where I was a pretty young 21 year old discovering it all myself.  
 
What I didn't expect was an incredibly emotional and at times hard-to-watch movie of a son whose abusive father ruined a childhood, destroyed dreams and ultimately, found God towards the end of his life. The result was an incredibly heavy and emotional journey through a very sad story that, thankfully, had an incredibly redemptive ending. It doesn't always work out that way.

There are few faith-based films that I've truly enjoyed. In fact, I can count them on one hand: The Song, Priceless, The Case for Christ and The Shack are on the shortlist. "I Can Only Imagine," the song, was the end result of an incredibly healing and personal journey and the story of the life that inspired the lyric now tops that short list of faith-based films I like.

As a father, I struggled with my own shortcomings. While I've never even thought of lifting a harmful hand towards my kids, I know I've dealt a number of emotional blows through tone or even my own absence, chasing whatever else is in front of me. As a son, I never experienced physical pain at the hands of my father (beyond many spankings I surely deserved). But I've certainly struggled with a desire to impress and feeling pretty crummy when coming up short. 

The depths of pain explained in this movie are heartbreaking and foreign to me, but I know people who have dealt with that pain on a regular basis. It's crushing and impacts every corner of life.

Bart was encouraged, in another moment of deep defeat as an adult, to face his fears and write about it head-on. That advice led him back to the nightmare he was escaping from on the road and delivered some of the most heartwarming and emotional punches in the movie. It really made me question the things in my own life I'm constantly running from and avoiding. How can God heal things we run from and hide in if they are constantly pushed aside and avoided?
 
I watched a father smash a plate of food against his son's head, and my heart broke. Through blurry eyes, I saw emotional swings land again and again, tearing down hopes and dreams. I saw the fear in the eyes of a man who could no longer believe in himself and His calling, who desired to be accepted and not rejected. And I cried. A lot. My eyes openly wept and I couldn't speak for a solid 15 minutes afterward. 

I left the theater with many thoughts. First, and foremost, I feel like I have been given a deep reminder that running NewReleaseToday isn't just a job. Sure, I run a Christian music site and with that comes a lot of business details that can sometimes crush good, Kingdom-building reasons to get up in the morning. Those reasons should always be about loving people, sharing these songs with many, ministering to whoever will listen, spreading positivity wherever I can, reaching out and praying for our partners and building bridges with whoever I can. 

I left the theater praying that I become a father my kids will never fear. Parenting is tough. It's the hardest job I've ever had. Some days I embrace it. A lot of days, I run from it. But I need to give it all I've got while I've got my kids under my umbrella--investing in them, helping them realize their dreams, paying attention to their desires, and guiding them to love others with the same passion as they grow. It's one of the best things I can do with my time. And it's going incredibly fast. 

And finally, I left the theater with a reminder that these aren't just songs. Many come from deeply emotional journeys that need to be explored, discovered, talked about and expanded beyond the four minutes we hear. They are written from people who have lived their own lives in their own corners. Some of those corners are dark. Some are not. But when you boil away all the lights, glitz, press releases and gloss, you're reminded of just how much you have in common with these artists. They love a God who has loved them back. Just like you and me. And someday, we'll all dance in His presence.