"When Moses went up on the mountain, the cloud covered it, and the glory of the Lord settled on Mount Sinai. For six days the cloud covered the mountain, and on the seventh day the Lord called to Moses from within the cloud. To the Israelites the glory of the Lord looked like a consuming fire on top of the mountain. Then Moses entered the cloud as he went on up the mountain. And he stayed on the mountain forty days and forty nights."
EXODUS 24:15-18

As I've gotten older, I've had a desire for the people of the Bible to become more real to me. I want to move beyond thinking of them as one-dimensional characters from sweet little Sunday school stories to real, complicated people who struggled and had to lean hard on faith to follow God's plan for their lives. I wanted to explore what they might have thought and felt as they faced challenges that were too difficult to overcome in their power alone. Now we have the luxury of seeing their whole lives as a snapshot, but I was ready to take a step back and try to experience with them the moments that they had to walk through one day at time. 

Moses is one of these complicated men. I wanted to write a song about how Moses might have felt as he walked with God day after day. What might he have thought about as he took step after step while wandering in the wilderness? After walking through the trials of his exile, confronting Pharaoh, the plagues, fleeing across the Red Sea, only to then be faced with forty years of wandering-- how would it feel to know he was still so many steps from the promised home? 

I wrote the first draft of this song in 2004 (a full decade before the studio recording took place), so I had a long time for this idea to marinate in my mind. The benefit of giving songs time to grow is that you hopefully grow as a writer, thinker and believer as time passes. When I revisited the song so many years after initially writing it, I could relate to it much more personally. I had experienced extended "wandering," taking daily steps toward a vision and a goal God had given me. 

I've always had a passion for using my musical talents to serve God, but it's taken me a long time to figure out what that looks like. It can make you feel rather weary to continue to "travel" day by day in pursuit of the plan that God has for you, but never feeling like you've truly arrived. There have been failures and discouragements and disappointments and confusion. Many times I've felt like I've been walking in circles, trying so hard but making little progress. 

When I revisited this song, I finally began to embrace that peace may be found in a long and wandering walk with God. I began to understand that following God's will was a process, not a prize. I began to let go of my specific vision and ask that no matter the road, God would be near me and take me where he wanted me to go in his time. I began to catch a glimpse of how Moses might have felt walking day after day through the dust. 

What would he say to God in this time? Perhaps something like, "I'm in the wilderness, and I'm wandering, but leaning desperately on your plans. And I will follow you through wind and water, to see your promise and your promised land." 

I hope I can continue to walk out this same prayer day by day with God, no matter the weariness nor length of the journey, because I know he is faithful and will keep his promises.

Lyrics:
Sometimes my feet won't move, because it hurts too bad
I face another day of a dry and empty land
And every mile I move is filled with longing for a home
But every step is taking me to places more unknown

I'm in the wilderness, and I am wandering
but leaning heavy on your plans
and I will follow You through wind and water
to see Your promise and Your promised land

You give me a cloud by day and a tower of fire by night
provide my every need, turning my faith to sight
And every mile I move is filled obstacles of men
but every step Your holding me tightly by the hand

I'm in the wilderness, and I am wandering
but leaning heavy on your plans
and I will follow You through wind and water
to see Your promise and Your promised land

You take me to the mountaintop to show me Your ways
and I'm caught up in the brilliance of Your face

I'm in the wilderness, and I am wandering
but leaning heavy on your plans
and I will follow You through wind and water
to see Your promise and Your promised land
to see Your promise and Your promised land