I now have a mission I did not choose: DUI presentations.

 

On May 11, 2002, a twenty-four-year-old drunk driver, named Eric, killed one of my twins, Meagan, and her friend, Lisa, both girls twenty years old. This event was devastating for all three families involved and the countless friends who mourned the loss of these precious girls. Words cannot fully describe the pain and loss I felt.

 

In the weeks and months that followed, I spiraled into a dark hole that I could not seem to get out of. Eric was the one behind bars, but I felt like the one being held prisoner. I could not imagine life without Meagan. I wanted to go back and fix it. But I couldn't do that.

 

I'd always had a childlike faith, but suddenly my faith had been shaken like never before. Everything I'd always believed in had been thrown up in the air, and I didn't know what to believe anymore. But I needed to know that there was a heaven. I wanted to believe my daughter was there and I would see her again. The grief was so heavy, I felt like it was going to suffocate me. I had no joy. I would listen to praise and worship music in my car, but I couldn't sing. I had so much anger inside of me, so much rage. But God wrapped His arms around me in that darkness. He let me know that He was with me.

 

I began to turn in the direction of forgiveness at Eric's sentencing, seventeen months after the accident. Throughout the entire trial, Eric had shown little remorse for what he had done. This only served to fuel my anger. But I walked into his final sentencing already knowing in my heart I needed to forgive him. Then, as my entire family sat in the courtroom waiting to hear the judge's verdict, Eric stood to share some last words.

 

He began to weep as he said how sorry he was for what he had done. Then he turned to face my family and me. He stood there in handcuffs and a prison jumpsuit, tears streaming down his face, looking at me, and he said, "I would give my own life if it would bring back these girls, but it won't . . . and I'm so sorry."

 

That was a moment when healing began in my life. Suddenly, instead of anger, I began to feel compassion for this young man who had made a tragic mistake. For a long time I'd thought that by forgiving Eric, I would be betraying my daughter or, in a way, leaving her behind. I thought forgiving Eric was almost like saying, "What he did doesn't matter." But God showed me that forgiving Eric was the best way to honor Meagan and to assure that her loving legacy would live on.

 

Today my story is a story of healing and forgiveness. My family and Lisa's family chose to forgive Eric. We even appealed to have his twenty-two-year prison sentence reduced. The judge granted our request, and today Eric is a free man. But he's not the only one who is free. I've been set free from the burden I carried for so long, the burden of bitterness.