Good morning my brothers and my sisters. Thankyou for joining us for the Swirling Eddies' Miracle Faith Prickly Heat Telethon Of Love, coming to you live from the studios of K.R.A.P. in downtown Hollywood, California. As you may or may not have heard, a few nights ago I, the Rev. Dr. Edward Daniel Taylor, had a dream. You know it's funny, but it seem that by divine providence every time I have that chili onion supreme from Wally's Weiner World I'm visited in this manner. Can I have an amen? (Amen) Anyway, I heard a voice and it spoke to me, and it said, "You, my son, are my special appointed, anointed and disjointed prophet, sent by me to heal my people from this hellish affliction known as the prickly heat. He also said that the Swirling Eddies were not charting high enough, and he wanted me to host this radio telethon to raise money for this noble cause and to test the faith of his people, and get the Eddies out of the can with the record label. I was told I needed ten thousand dollars if I'm gonna make this thing work. And that if we didn't reach this divinely inspired faith goal our ministry would go off the air, and the great commission would go unfulfilled, and the end times would have to be postponed, and all those people who wrote all those books would be scoffed at, and Phil Donahue would become president, and Robert Tilton would make it to prime time and would cost me in the ratings. And worst of all, brothers and sisters, he would dissolve all our record contracts and call the Eddies home. (Amen) You can see, by the urgency of our situation, we need your help now. For ten thousand...I mean a ten dollar pledge you can be assured of being healed of an ingrown toenail. For a mere twenty-five dollars you can get rid of the troublesome prickly heat. For thirty-five dollars you can get rid of that Frisbee finger, and for a hundred dollars you can kiss your festering gum boil goodbye.
