"Each crack of that whip was for my mistakes,
oh blood is on my hands,
Each stumble up that hill was my step to take,
oh blood is on my hands"
--Todd Agnew

I am sitting by a trash can in the airport, and the stink of garbage is over my right shoulder. It's the only place I could find an outlet to plug my computer, phone and iPod into.

This has been a crazy week. It has brought tears of sadness mixed with heartache and confusion, but as a result, it's also birthed restoration among friends, along with a reconciliation between roommates. David says it all when he wrote, "Though I walk through the valley. . ." And this week I am stuck in the midst of that valley, yet I am not alone.

You see, I often question my heart. I often question His forgiveness and mercy. I am truly unworthy of His forgiveness and grace, and question how God can lavish it on me in huge heaps. After all, I have knowingly denied Jesus with my words and actions, specifically with apathy and selfishness, and in short, I ended up doing the very things that I never wanted to do.

He knows I fail. He knows I will fail again and fail until I can fail no more, yet He is still with me.

I have been thinking a lot this week about Peter. In John 21:15-17 I can only imagine what Peter was going through. Here he was following Jesus his whole life, a great close relationship—-a true follower. But then, when it counted, Peter bails on Christ. He not only did he deny Him, but he did it at the worst time ever—-when Jesus needed a friend and a protector. He, after all, was a man. And men save their own skin—-except one man that I know.

Now, everyone there knew Peter was guilty. They knew he was with Jesus, which makes it all the more embarrassing. Peter was busted, even by people that didn't follow Jesus. He was called out.

So Jesus was taken away, beaten, spit on, punched out and nailed to a splinted filled cross.

I can only imagine, at that time, what Peter was going through in his mind and spirit. Here he is guilty, ashamed, broken and lonely. He has lost his best friend. He has lost all that he holds dear, yet he was the one who could have spoken up.

But then Jesus does the remarkable. FORGIVENESS, and equally as important—-RESTORATION.

In John 21:15-17 Peter sees Jesus on the shore, after he has risen from the dead. Peter flips out, tears his cloths off (so he can swim faster), and jumps off the boat he was fishing on. He jumped out of the boat! Into the sea. Without fear of looking foolish. Without fear of being swallowed up by the sea, Peter abandons himself for Christ. He saw Jesus, and he HAD to get to him.

Racing to shore, I can only dream of what he is going through in his mind. Should I just fall and beg forgiveness? Should I weep? Should I give him a kiss and hug? What if he is angry with me? What if he doesn’t accept me back? Was this sin too great even for Jesus to forgive?

But Jesus in His holiness does the unthinkable, like only Jesus could do.

He brings restoration to their relationship.

Peter has denied Christ 3 times, so Jesus gives him 3 opportunities to look Him in the eye and take it back.

I believe it as if Jesus is looking at Peter in the eyes, which I assume that are welling up with tears at this point saying, "Peter, let's make this right."

Jesus asks, "Do you love me?" Man, what a question! The creator of the universe is basically telling Peter, "I know you didn’t mean it Peter. I know you have followed me and have been by my side. Look me in the eye and tell me you didn’t mean it and that you love me."

It is not a question of forgiveness. Jesus did that on the Cross a few days earlier. It was for Peter. This was a dialogue so that Peter would feel and experience restoration with His savior, and best friend.

Wow.

In the struggle and turmoil there is grace, hope, and peace. Not only are they on good terms again, but now Peter is entrusted with starting the church. Jesus has not only straightened out the mess but now is showing Peter his amazing favor, love and confidence in his unfaithful follower and friend.

I am like Peter. I muff up. I hurt others. I fall short. But there is hope in Christ.

This week is a great week for restoration. Whether it is with a friend, roommate, love relationship, parent or Jesus. I am grieving my own selfishness and inability this week. I am weak, and bruised, and can only rely on God’s remarkable strength as I walk through the valley.

My prayer for you is that you embrace Jesus. Find the time to come back to the thrown of mercy. It won’t take the hurt away, but it will bring you back to the feet of the One who made you.

Embrace old friends. Renew friendships. Call your parents to tell them you care about them and need them.

Take the time to repent, look people back in their eyes and say, "I love you."

Phil.4:6-7:
Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will gaurd your heart and your minds as you live in Christ Jesus.