I grew up going to church with my family, but discovered at 17 that you can't inherit faith. It has to become your own. Just because Jesus has taken up residence in your parents hearts doesn't quite mean he automatically moves into yours unannounced. He wants YOU to let Him in. He wanted me to let Him in. Personally.
I reached a point in my life where, well... It was time to really start considering sending out the invite...
"Come on in Jesus!!!"
✽ My "come to Jesus" moment happened at a random youth group I had never been to before. It was 10x smaller than the one at my church (that I did NOT attend... wayyy too intimidating man.) But, regardless of size, He showed up. Yes, the King was in the building baby. And guess what??
--He pretty pretty much wacked me with a 2/4....
Suddenly, I was alive... I awoke! Something strange and unexplainable happened that night. Something spooky.
I left that place with so many different emotions: I wanted to hug someone! I wanted to cry. I wanted to dance the chains away! I wanted to run for my life...[What. Just. Happened?]
Yes, it's safe to say that my life is no longer "safe." My life is no longer my own. My life now involves dying everyday, daily battles, tears that come a lot easier than they used to, cross-carrying, & a JOY that my heart can't begin to explain.
Music has always played a major role in my wee little life. From singing in different churches, to local events, talent shows as well as playing with a pretty AWESOME worship band - "Salt Worship Band." [Check them ouuttt!]
In the early stages of my "singing career," I battled with stage fright. [Like immensely people!] I used to hide in my mom's van (in mid-Summer, with all of the windows/doors shut, in *FLORIDA* might I remind you...) and practice. That's how terrified I was.
-I loved to sing! Just not in front of humans... *-*
They can't shut me up. :D It's funny how God calls the unqualified and qualifies them... I am *quite unqualified... which qualifies me I guess!
In those earlier times, I struggled with trying to "sound" and "look" like all of the queens in the music industry. That became tiring.... fast. The joy of music of was slowly dissipating. It was a strange and awkward stage of discovery in my life (one of many.) But still, in a mystifying way - I'm thankful for those days.
Because I know even then, God was at work. . .
Most of the battle itself was a lack of understanding that God created each one of us in a beautifully unique way. We are all different. Like finger-prints. Even the tone and quality of voice he's given us and "look." But, I didn't quite have this part discovered, or rather, revealed to me yet...
❀After Jesus and I became close friends He brought me back to music with a new perception. [We actually revisited a few different areas in my life. Some pleasant, some... not so much.]
In the process of my heart being recreated He also recreated music in my life. My definition of music. My heart for music. Why I even wanted to be a part of it in the first place!
-For the fame? The cash-flow that comes along with fame? [$] Because it impresses others? Approval?
Those weren't reasons I'd ever confess to anyone on why, "I wanna be a singer when I grow up." But if I seriously examined my heart a little deeper I would discover that those were reasons that were motivating me.
More or less... It was about ME.
Not only has "what" I'm singing for changed, WHO I'm singing for has changed...
-It's not all about me after all! I'm free from, "me!" And in that, free to be me. Not somebody else.
Jesus be glorified.
When He is glorified I experience the highest levels of joy in my life... [And what would, "Nikki Joy" be if she was joy-less ?! Yeah, no... Doesn't work.]
Jesus GLORIFIED + My Life = JOY. Jesus, take it all! Take it all!
I can't imagine singing for anyone else other than my first love... ❤ I don't know where God is going to lead me on my journey...
↗↩ ➺ ➻ → ➽ ← ↑ ↓➹ ↔↖
On this adventure called, "music" I certainly have a lot of hopes, dreams, & desires buried in my heart like gems. Who knows if they will ever be salvaged?
Whether or not I'll ever actually get to perform in front of the Cinderella Castle at Night of Joy (my dream☁) or have the opportunity to work with my fave artists/bands I truly don't know.... But, I do know it's possible!
Though, I have one aim and strive to remain faithful to that....
“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” — Jesus That is my goal. My aim. Christ. The One I seek first. My gaze is fixed. I need Him like the branch needs the vine in order to sustain life. He is my rock, my salvation, my all.
I refuse to move from where I now stand. This is my spot. My place. In Him is where I belong.
I know and have seen that apart from Him I have nothing.
Apart from Him I am nothing... This is pretty much me in a nutshell.
I'm just a simple servant girl hoping to point the hungry towards the Bread of Life.
--An imperfectly-perfect princess that longs to bring glory to her King...♡
A warrior that fights for TRUTH and though may fail often, knows, that she stands in Victory.