Citizens & Saints hooked me with their unique brand of gourmet alternative rock-infused worship on their stirring debut Citizens. The first album, the song "Made Alive" and the band name are all based on Ephesians 2. That type of bold exclamation about the truth of the grace of Jesus can be found in each of their albums, with "You Brought Me Back to Life" and "The Mighty Hand of God" keeping that vibe going in their sophomore release Join the Triumph, one of my top 10 worship albums of 2014. 

For me, Citizens & Saints' third studio album A Mirror Dimly was easily the top worship album of 2016. We were all created to worship, and this album gives us several creative and biblically-based expressions. I had the chance to speak with Zach Bolen about "Doubting Doubts."

Please tell me the personal story behind this song.

With this song in particular, the Bible verse that was speaking to us was 2nd Corinthians 12:9. I think that verse was important to me during writing this song as that thought to me is pretty perplexing. It goes against everything in us to think that somehow strength is found in surrender and weakness. It's only going to really start to begin to speak to us when we see that we are at our strongest at our lowest. That only comes from fully submitting to God's will. 

There's a lot of things that passage tells us about looking at our present circumstances. Maybe you've been there a long time, and you've pleaded with God and asked for clarity and healing and peace. What Paul is getting at there is yes, it's not great to be in that place, but in that place God's grace helps us see how needy we are and how much we need Him. That circumstance is creating a deeper sense of your neediness for Him. That's what this song is about for me as a culmination of this whole record, dealing with doubt and realizing that somehow, although I wouldn't choose my circumstance, I'm going to say thanks to God for drawing me closer to Him.

Which Bible verses connect to the message of the song?

1 Corinthians 13:12 (NKJV): "For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known."

2 Corinthians 12:9 (NKJV): "And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

2 Corinthians 6:18 (The Voice): "'And I will be for you as a Father, and you will be for Me as sons and daughters,' Says the Lord Almighty!"

Ephesians 2:10 (NLT): "For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago."

Ephesians 5:14 (NIV): "This is why it is said: 'Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.'"

1 John 3:1 (NKJV): "Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him."

What is the takeaway message?

A theme in the Christian life is that through every moment we are going through, even something we'd rather not go through, hindsight gives us perspective, and we see it as a defining moment in our faith. That's what this song is for me. The song was experienced in real time for me. Also generally it's about realizing that the theme of our lives is humbling ourselves and praying for open hearts and open minds and seeing that whatever we are going through and it doesn't seem to be changing for the better, that there is still grace in that. Those situations are drawing us closer to God and helping us see just how needy we are for Him. 

The "loved, no matter what" line is the theme of the record. Faith and doubt are the circumstances, and they tap into our humanity. Being loved no matter what is an otherworldly yet present understanding of God as our Rock that we hold onto as tight as we can. You're not holding on because you are worried you are going to lose it, but because no matter how murky things get or how hard it is to understand and you open up your eyes and say "I don't know," the thing we don't have to say "I don't know" about is God's continuous love for us and that we are loved, no matter what. That for me was the realization I kept having in the whole writing process of this song and album. Whether I fully believe it or I am living it completely, the thing that motivates me the most is that I'm loved, no matter what.

Lyrics:
I keep searching for the answers to my doubts
It's like I'm caught between belief and wanting out
But there's this promise that my soul just cannot shake
That I am loved despite the struggles of my faith

And now that my eyes are open
I can see that I am stronger broken
You're the mystery that I put my hope in
More I seek, the more I find
Don't want to live like I'm an orphan with no bed
Still I keep searching for a place to rest my head

But I have all I've ever needed
Help me trust beyond what I'm not seeing
To be content with all this grace You've given
In my weakness You are strong

Your grace is my sole sufficiency
Your power is made perfect when I'm weak

Just want to shout it out for the world to hear it
That I'm His kid no matter what I'm feeling
I'm doubting doubts, I just cannot help believing
That I am loved no matter what
I am loved no matter what!

This song and this album is all about having a strong faith. Without faith it is impossible to please God. Sometimes we have a tendency to think we can try to know everything. God tells us in the Bible that with faith, we can do anything in Christ. One of the lessons I've seen about life is that we shouldn't wait to fix ourselves before we step out in faith. Look for ways to obey God and to offer your faith to Him. By reading the Bible every day, God wants us to have a daily reminder not to be afraid. The song also addresses the concept of keeping our eyes wide open, to remember our calling: "wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you" (Ephesians 5:14).

Even once we are saved, we sometimes beat ourselves up about failure and feel unworthy of God's love. That's the point: we aren't worthy. We can't earn grace. It is a gift of unmerited favor from God for His children. Scripture tells us, "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Rom. 5:8). In our fallen and sinful tendencies, He still thinks of us as His children, His sons and His daughters, if we've accepted Jesus as our substitute and Savior.

While we can't see everything in our fallen world through life's mirror dimly obscuring grace and truth, this album will remind you we are God's "Kids" to help you overcome your "Doubting Doubts" and to sing "In my weakness You are strong." Remember that you are "loved no matter what." Amen to that!

Watch the lyric video below.