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Thursday, January 16, 2014

never would have thought
Life | 347 views

four years ago,

if you asked where i planned to be today,

i would be so far off.

so, so far from my reality.

a year and a half ago,

when this first began,

i never would have thought to be here.

even this past Sunday,

ask me where i thought i would be today, on this fine Thursday.

i would never have guessed.

it's been such an incredible journey.

i shared my testimony in front of a large group,

when i could barely tell one person about my past.

and they listened.

i hit the highest mark possible. and continued to do so.

i wrote a series of essays analyzing the Bible and Christianity

to a non-Christian professor.

i was told that i wasn't good enough, but i proved them wrong.

i have anxiety now and again, but have learned to rely on God and get through it.

i have it the best.

i was invited to be a part of somethings bigger.

i earned the ultimate reward.

every desire i had came true.

and i'm not even halfway through here.

i i i i i i i i i i i i


not i.

not me.

not myself.

i could not have done any of this on my own.

not possible.

with God, i achieved the impossible.

God gave me the most unlikely circumstances so that I can lift Him up in honor.

all that i have is because of God.

i wouldn't change anything; my life went far from what i planned,

but the miracles, the presence of God,

that's what made it all worth it.

"Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. - Psalm 37:4

Sunday, May 12, 2013

a dream.
Life | 332 views

The other day, I had a dream that I was praising God for getting me through a difficult time. By the time I woke up to remember it, all I could recall was the phrase "don't be afraid to do what God called you to do." I found this to be a little strange, since I never felt so confused about a dream's message before. I learned to not be afraid and do what God wants, even if it's difficult for me. Why would this be important to me now, if I am bold in faith and prepared to fight for God? Everything was in place and I had absolutely no reason to be discouraged from God's plan. I wrote the phrase into my phone to see if it would eventually play a more significant role in my future.

So a few days passed and I went about my life, finishing up my semester at college. In one of the last days I was on campus, I received a few emails (all addressing separate topics) that just sent everything downhill. My stable future...wasn't so stable anymore. Everything I planned on was a waste, as it all just disappeared with my smaller dreams and goals. Not so good.

I was beyond ready to quit, withdraw, transfer, switch my major, anything to make the changes easier. Yet with everything I tried to change, I grew unhappier and unhappier. I knew that I needed to be where I was; no other option could replace or satisfy what I am passionate about. I prayed about my future and just stayed where I was, trusting God. I ended up going into my phone's notes to take down my work hours, but in so doing, I found that phrase:

Don't be afraid to do what God called you to do


When I thought I was firm in what I wanted, it turns out that I wasn't as strong on my own. I needed to know that God wants this for me. I didn't make a decision without praying and listening to God, and now I am more than confident that even though my ideals are not going to work out, something else will. And I know that God has bigger and better plans. He won't give me anything I can't handle. 

This story has not ended yet, but I am sure that God will be faithful in getting me through this.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

what it is
Life | 410 views

They say that you don't know what you have until it's gone.

I always believed that you do, but tend to value it more when you no longer possess it.

I had such amazing influences on my life and an amazing job in the past.

Recently, I've realized how grateful I truly am for them, even though they ended.

I left my job for school (it was seasonal anyways) and barely get to see my inspirations anymore.

I missed it all, I tell you.

The experiences I had and people I shared them with are irreplaceable.

I wanted to revert back to that time, but evidently, I couldn't.

By the grace of God, I got my job back. Things are different there now, and it's definitely not the same, but I missed it.

My influnces, I still see them every now and again. Not every day, but I still communicate with them.

Being back at my old job, in that environment in which I felt I outgrew, I realized that I don't want to go back to where I was; I just miss the memories.

Time is a crazy thing, but we just gotta keep moving with it and make every moment count.

Living, not just existing, is what drives us to accomplish amazing things.

God gave us life so that we may be like him. He wants us to change the world.

Because in the end, it's what we do that makes a difference.

Our actions may seem like nothing to us now, but years from now, they will be what impacted us most.

Friday, April 19, 2013

reflecting upon my choices
Life | 427 views

ahh college. it may be the best time of your life, or the worst. personally, i love school, so it's been a great experience. i go to a local state school, which happens to have one of the best programs for my major in the nation (one of the only one that even had what i was looking for).

there were times when i looked into different universities and would have compromised parts of my life to be happy there. i would change my major, travel 1000 miles away, or just go somewhere else. i didn't want to go to a state school. i wanted to be able to be around other Christians, pursue my career, and still enjoy my interests.

looking back now, i never would have been able to afford the travel and tuition for the other schools, especially for compromising my ideals. it would have been a waste.

by the time i applied, i realized this and only applied to a couple of state schools: one, just as a backup, and the other, because they had everything i needed. the one i was most likely to go to was the closest, and i wasnt too happy about that, but when it all comes down to it, i don't mind it. i was really trusting God with my decision to go to this school, since my heart wasn't exactly settled to go there at first.

i got everything i wanted at this university and more. im in their very selective honors program, have been taking classes for my major (they do have the best program here, in all honesty), and have been participating in Christian organizations and clubs for my interests. i was one of the top writers in an essay contest, have a very nice roommate and floor friends, live in the best dorm & room, and have a partial scholarship. i've also been to a private radio concert for britt nicole (my all time FAVORITE singer) and volunteered at revolve (where I completely gave it all to Jesus three/four years ago).

now if you were to ask me what i expected before i began classes, i wouldnt have believed half of the above. i'm just a freshman, trying to make it into my desired career program. God really does have better plans for us, we just need to trust in Him and His ways. i expected college to be a mediocre, study constantly kind of deal, but i have gotten such a better experience (so far) because I trusted God. sometimes we think we have the better plans for our lives, but in all reality, God does. we just have to follow him

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Life | 394 views

i think there is a time in life when we all experience anxiety of some form. (i just did a huge project on it, but i wont get into the details of it). there are so many types and severities of this excessive worry and inability to control it.

anxiety is mental pain.

anxiety is fear.

why do we allow ourselves to go through with this?

it just worsens everything.

no, we cannot control it, but we serve a God of peace, who wants us to live in that peace.

tell him what makes you anxious; what makes you fearful.

God did not call us to live in fear, so why should we?

Our God holds our future.

If he didn't, then we would really have something to be anxious about.

But our God has a plan for our lives.

And that is enough to calm me.

Just tell him what concerns you. Tell it all to God.

And I promise you, God will get you through it.

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